Saturday, June 30, 2007

TOP 5 Archive

Top 5 things overheard at shoe-throwing for George Bush:
5. That thrower should be imprisoned ... for missing!
4. If only we really had WMDs ... throwing a shoe is so lame ...
3. Dick Cheney would have been a bigger, slower target
2. A few more weeks and I'll be relaxing in my ranch and let the new guy take care of the mess
1. Mis-shoe Accomplished!

Top 5 reasons the world can welcome an Obama presidency:
5. no more threat of nucular war
4. the real Axis of Evil of Bush-Cheney-Rove will be gone
3. he’s not likely to misunderstimate anyone
2. cowboy diplomacy is over
1. white house not that white from now on

Top 5 reasons a police officer converts millions of pesos into euros and brings them to Russia in his luggage:
5. to hide funds his fellow officers kept secret from their wives
4. to act as decoy and lure attention away from billions of public funds being siphoned off to Swiss bank accounts
3. the PNP wanted to invest in euros instead of holding on to their worthless pesos
2. to buy a Russian ‘doll’ as souvenir for each fellow officer
1. he has amnesia and doesn’t know what banks are

Top 5 reasons to pardon a double murderer:
5. you’ve done worse so you think double murder is forgivable
4. to make room for activists your military can’t somehow make disappear
3. as a means of population control the Church won’t question
2. you were again too drunk to know what you were doing: you thought someone asked if you needed the hankee and you said ok
1. you’re looking for positive karma because you know you’ll need your very own pardon someday.

Top 5 reasons US VP candidate Sarah Palin’s campaign can work in the Philippines:
5. we’re used to government building bridges that go nowhere
4. not only planes but just about everything here is available to the highest bidder
3. the press is quite used to leaders being unavailable for probing interviews
2. politicians with no substance are the norm here
1. we’re used to being led by people who have absolutely no qualifications for the job

Top 5 reasons the government still hasn’t banned dairy products from China:
5. after eating tons of fishballs and squidballs, we should be immune to Chinese toxins by now
4. they can’t read Chinese so they have no idea whether they’re being sold locally at all
3. we’ve agreed to give China Philippine territory and natural resources, why not sacrifice a few babies?
2. for indirect population control as they’re too scared to displease the Church
1. there’s grease money to be earned from Chinese dairy product importers and distributors

Top 5 reasons to be thankful for double entry in the Appropriations Act of the C-5 road project:
5. we get an additional count for impeachment
4. as a sign of fund-raising, it confirms who’s running in the next elections
3. additional budget can buy walkways for pedestrians who regularly play patintero on highways
2. added fund can be used to manage road to prevent money-hungry CITRA to take over
1. extra P200M can be used to provide lifetime toll-free use of road

Top 5 reasons to be a Philippine Air Force pilot:
5. with many planes crashed or grounded, there’s lots of paid free time to apply with commercial airlines
4. excellent training in emergency landings
3. regular exercise in bailing out of planes
2. morbidity aside, by process of elimination, you can be ‘top gun’ in no time
1. every flight is medal-worthy regardless of actual combat

Top 5 ways the government would have liked to commemorate the Cry of Pugadlawin:
5. tear up all copies of the Constitution
4. sign a manifesto giving up Philippine territory
3. rally the people to support anything they do
2. revolt against the oppressors of corruption
1. fight to the death … of lives not their own

Top 5 alternative Filipino sports:
5. Synchronized Rallying
4. People Revault
3. Discuss Overthrow
2. Under-the-table Tennis
1. Impeach Volleyball

Top 5 alternative Olympic sports where the government can win gold:
5. Bentathlon – competing in 10 different ways to sell one’s principles
4 Fencing – the player who stays uncommitted for the longest time wins
3. Badminion – players serve and return all that is requested regardless of nature of request
2. Hackey – players maneuver and shove their way to the highest bidder
1. Crowing – victory is obtained solely by continuous gloating and boasting regardless of any actual achievement

Top 5 reasons to listen to GMA’s SONA:
5. you need your daily shot of entertainment
4. you love fiction in whatever form
3. you need comedy material
2. you conveniently forgot she promised she won’t run for president in 2004
1. you believe pigs will fly

Top 5 reasons for Filipinos to practice natural family planning:
5. to produce more nurses to take care of the rest of the world
4. to export more maids to clean all the world’s households
3. to have a Filipino community in every city on the planet
2. to have more OFWs bail out our perpetually mismanaged country
1. to jump from 12th to most populous nation on earth

Top 5 favorite ABBA songs of GMA & Co.:
5. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
4. I Have A Scheme
3. Does Your Voter Know
2. Thank You For The Moolah
1. The FG Takes It All

Top 5 reasons to allow Sulpicio Lines to continue:
5. to increase air travel
4. for population control
3. to give us more world records
2. to get the Coast Guard to go out into the water once in a while
1. to take the crown away from the AFP on extrajudicial killings

Top 5 reasons to ride Sulpicio Lines:
5. You want to know what it’s like riding through typhoon signal no.3
4. You yearn for that capsizing feeling
3. You were born yesterday
2. You want to be there when they break the MV Doña Paz’s record
1. You have a deathwish

Top 5 alternative ways to raise campaign funds:
5. set up networking business with rice as dividends
4. run nationwide raffle with Jobs-in-Canada as grand prize
3. under the guise of giving away money, keep the lion’s share
2. negotiate another telecoms deal
1. promise to make Sulpicio Lines pay for its negligence once and for all.

Top 5 alternative Philippine gameshows:
5. Cheat … Bulaga!
4. Pinoy Idle
3. The price is high
2. Meal or No Meal
1. WawaMeee

Top5 ways to lower electricity costs:
5. support abs-cbn so meralco doesn’t have to
4. or, boycott abs-cbn until meralco reduces rates
3. find a way to harness winston garcia’s hot air for power
2. have the SEC issue a cease and desist order against the rising cost, seems they have powers over everything
1. turn malacanang’s s*** into power and we’ll have enough even for export!

Top 5 reasons for government takeover of Meralco:
5. to allow Winston Garcia to buy more masterpieces the public has no use for
4. Government’s desperate for a cashcow
3. to allow GMA to be weaned from her borrowing habit
2. to allow GMA-7 to catch up with ABS-CBN’s funds
1. GMA knows best how to make most of power

Top 5 reasons to invade Myanmar now:
5. the military is busy with aid distribution photo-ops
4. the Burmese people will be leading the charge
3. the monks will surely give their blessing
2. the junta will be busy fixing referendum results
1. the junta is busy weeding out aid workers and journalists

Top 5 reasons for constant oil price hikes:
5. Oil execs need to survive rising prices too
4. Oil sheiks need bigger harems
3. Middle men have to be ‘greased’ too
2. What else can OPEC do? No one’s buying the sand.
1. Force of Habit

Top 5 ways to commemorate the Death March:
1. Annual death march for plunderers.
2. POW camps for government “commission-ers”.
3. Cabinet Unity Walk from Bataan to Tarlac. Let’s see how long they’ll stay united.
2. Legislators to walk 1 mile per 1M pork barrel received.
1. Government officials to walk 1 mile per 1M peso misappropriated.

Top5 ways to ride the rice crisis:
5. Move to Vietnam
4. Just order double half-rice each time
3. Think kamote
2. Cut on exercise, there’s not much carbo anyway
1. Value Corn Meals!

Top 5 Holy Week reflections:
5. I know who best to crucify on that cross …
4. I could give 5 lashes to ….
3. If we could only have plunderers endure a real senakulo …
2. Are bishops exempt from flagellation???
1. Golgotha is too small for the government thieves we have …

Top 5 reasons to thank GMA for prioritizing debt repayment:
5. we got a higher credit rating that enabled us to borrow more money
4. we’ve become a pet of the new rich guy in town - China
3. more employment for our people … abroad
2. we satisfy our yearning for imported goods by regularly importing rice
1. we may be poor and hungry but we’re not in default

Top 5 reasons to relinquish Philippine territorial claims in China’s favor:
5. Finally, our fishermen can poach from their seas!
4. Besides, we’re all part-Chinese anyway
3. China will replace the U.S. as our overlord eventually
2. No worries, Northrail will connect those islands to us and they’ll get Philippine education via cyber-ed!
1. We’ll have the last laugh, global warming will sink those islands soon enough!

Top 5 ways to get through police barricades and join the rallies:
5. Tell them your “Lucky Bitch Must Go!” t-shirt is to protest dogs wrongfully impounded
4. Say your “She’s evil!” banner refers to your mother in-law and you’re on your way to picket her house
3. Explain you have a “Gloria resign!” poster because you actually support the ZTE deal and you only want Gloria to again sign the cancelled contract
2. Convince them you have a “We want Noli!” t-shirt because you’re going to a “Noli” Cabahug concert
1. Wear a priest’s habit and say you’re from the CBCP and you won’t really be making a stand on anything

The other 5 Carpenter hits GMA knows by heart:
5. Hearingdays And Mondays (always get me down)
4. There’s A Kind Of Hush (as long as we bribe)
3. (And they’ll revolt) For All We Know
2. Bless The Beast And Our Children
1. Sing (and we’ll kidnap you)

Top 5 ways to determine you’re not being kidnapped:
5. when you are “escorted” from your flight by the military with (only) a reputation for extrajudicial killings
4. when you’re given a scenic tour of the city outskirts
3. when you’re “asked” to request for security protection
2. when you’re treated by a lawyer to dinner at a pubic steakhouse
And the No. 1 way to determine you’re not being kidnapped:
1. when the government says so.

Top 5 reasons the record-breaking economic growth hasn’t been felt by the poor:
5. What! We have poor people?! Does the corruption-laden junket-crazy coup-paranoid election-cheating fact-ignoring truth-challenged government know?!
4. the candidates forgot them during their record-breaking P1B+ election spending
3. the poor don’t have money to bribe the gov’t to look out for them
2. they’re too busy trying to get out of the country
And the No. 1 reason the record-breaking economic growth hasn’t been felt by the poor”
1. they’re too hungry to feel anything else.

In light of the recent downgrade of the ATO, here are the Top 5 reasons for the downgrade:
5. controllers still use morse code
4. they’re still on Wordperfect 5.1 and Cobol 60
3. like true government employees, all controllers take merienda every 2 hours
2. they text in their landing instructions
And the No. 1 reason for the ATO downgrade:
1. Ethiopia, Suriname and Uzbekistan have higher quality standards.

Top 5 Reasons to be thankful for EDSA II:
5. the short term notwithstanding, we finally got to imprison a corrupt leader.
4. we got to see just how multi-talented Gen. and former Secretary of DND-DILG-DENR (now) DoE Sec. Angelo Reyes is.
3. mundane daily routines interrupted by occasional coups.
2. literacy was advanced with new everyday words like writ of amparo and extra-judicial killings.
And the No 1 reason to be thankful for EDSA II:
1. we learned that as leaders go, an economist with a Ph.D. is not much better than an actor with a high school diploma.

In light of the DOT’s boast of a record increase in tourist arrivals, we reveal the Top 5 reasons tourists actually come to the Philippines:
5. to study English during their school break.
4. to set up English language schools for their countrymen to study English at during their school break.
3. to set up business at 168 Mall.
2. to negotiate more publicly funded multi-million dollar white elephants.
And the No.1 reason tourists actually come to the Philippines …
1. to visit their relatives who haven’t yet had a chance to migrate like them.

Top 5 reasons caucuses for presidentiables are perfect in the Philippines:
5. election coupled with caucuses will require enormous campaign spending
4. campaign expenses are directly proportional to the amounts stolen from public funds
3. amounts stolen from public funds are directly proportional to politicians’ personal finances
2. with increased personal finances, politicians will have funds for the next election
1. the next election coupled with caucuses will require enormous campaign spending

Top 5 good things brought in by the new year:
5. a year less from the term of useless politicians
4. a year closer to GMA’s exit with FG to boot.
3. 1 more for presidentiables to come out of the woodwork
2. another year to look for work abroad
And the No. 1 good thing brought in by the new year …
1. one year closer to getting your immigration visa approved.

Top 5 reasons RP ended up 5th over-all at the 2007 Sea Games (after a 1st place finish 2 years ago):
5. We’re not the hosts this time.
4. COMELEC did not do the medal tally.
3. No text votes were required.
2. Some athletes were busy finishing their nursing degrees.
And the No. 1 reason RP ended up 5th over-all at the 2007 SeaGames …
1. Billiards was not an event.

Top 5 instances a Certificate of Land Ownership Award under the CARP does not actually award land ownership:
5. When Bukidnon landowner Norberto Quisumbing ignores it.
4. When San Miguel Foods, Inc. is willing to pay much more than the DAR for your land.
3. When the government which issued the certificate refuses to acknowledge it for 12 years and running.
2. When the farmer-beneficiaries’ hunger strike only lasted 22 days and their protest march of only 1,700 kms. only lasted 2 months.
And the No.1 instance a Certificate of Land Ownership Award under the CARP does not actually award land ownership …
1. When rearing pigs is more important than giving land to the homeless.

Top 5 reasons to thank the Peninsula Mutineers:
5. Hotel façade needed extreme makeover by APC anyway
4. Senator walking on street pavement and not riding on an SUV with a convoy was a nice change
3. With the AFP on a manhunt for escaped mutineers and other plotters, extrajudicial killings might actually decrease
2. We learned that “arrest” does not include being handcuffed and taken to a military camp
And the No.1 reason to thank the Peninsula Mutineers …
1. We learned we can’t leave it to the military to do the people’s job.

Top 5 benefits of the dollar’s dip:
5. wars now much more expensive for the US to pursue
4. wars now much more needed by government to get precious US aid
3. government can pay more debt out of debt just incurred
2. seeing government at a loss to explain why prices of goods are not coming down
And the no. 1 benefit of the dollar’s dip …
1. plundered dollars have lost value for their owners.

Top 5 signs of a GMA-style economic “boom”:
5. Settle debt by incurring more debt
4. Take credit for a peso strengthened without your influence
3. Claim stock and money market movements as “investments”
2. Rejoice in a high GDP and ignore it was due to massive election spending
And the no. 1 sign of a GMA-style economic “boom”:
1. Pimp your people to work abroad so as not to die of hunger in a naturally-rich country untouched by drought and war.

The Top 5 murals to be created next by the Neo-Angono Artists Collective:
5. The History of Press Freedom according to the National Press Club (NPC)
4. The History of NPC’s P10M sale of Vicente Manansala’s P50M mural on the History of Press Freedom
3. The History of supPressing Freedom
2. The History of NPC Freedom to do what GMA dictates
And the No. 1 mural to be created next by the Neo-Angono:
1. The Art of Retouching (someone else’s work without authority)

Top 5 odd couples:
5. honesty and comelec
4. due process and PNP
3. integrity and Congress
2. efficiency and the Philippine government
And the No. 1 odd couple:
1. democracy and GMA

Top 5 reasons GMA should’ve instead won the Nobel Peace Prize:
5. Her regime has seen hundreds of activists rest in peace
4. Her presidency has exposed far more Inconvenient Truths
3. Despite continuous opposition, she has spent so much more to stop any “climate” change
2. She’s made an art of recycling. Right former Sec. of DND/ DILG/DENR (now) DoE Sec. Angelo Reyes?
And the No. 1 Reason GMA should’ve instead won the Nobel Peace Prize …
1. She’s an expert on how to make people keep their peace.

Top 5 reasons to ban “Desperate Housewives”:
5. it’s bad enough we’re losing our doctors to the US, they don’t have to be unappreciative
4. Filipino doctors don’t actually bring their diplomas when they work as nurses abroad
3. nobody else has to know that some med schools in the Philippines are really not that good
2. the lives and antics of our desperate starlets played out on tv are enough entertainment
And the No. 1 Reason To Ban “Desperate Housewives” …
1. to open the time slot to more “World’s Craziest Videos”

Top 5 reasons for lack of confidence in government:
5. Arroyo, Mikey
4. Arroyo, Iggy
3. Arroyo, Mike
2. Arroyo, Gloria
And the No. 1 Reason To Further Lose Confidence In Government …
1. Arroyo, Joker

Top 5 laws we desperately need:
5. law prohibiting celebrities from marrying (Having no talent is enough. We don’t need their dirty laundry too.)
4. law prohibiting a President’s immediate family from holding public office (there should only be 1 plunderer per family)
3. “no work no pay “ law for legislators (to compel their attendance and make them deserve a little of their salaries and pork barrel)
2. law prohibiting intellect-challenged non-English speakers (read: Lito Lapid) from running as legislators (because laws have to be deliberated upon and enacted in the English language)
And the No. 1 law we desperately need:
1. law requiring income tax return as proof of right to vote (Put your stake in public funds before we listen to your voice).

Top5 ways to ensure we remain a 3rd world country:
5. continued validity of the Automatic Appropriations Law (P.D.1177) and preference for creditors over the people’s welfare
4. continued privatization of basic services (like power & water)
3. continued decline of the agriculture and manufacturing sectors
2. continued departure of skilled laborers and professionals
And the No. 1 surefire way we shall remain a 3rd world country …
1. continued ignorance and apathy of the electorate.

Top 5 reasons most Filipinos might no longer care about corruption issues or plunder cases:
5. Alleged $10M bribe to JDVJr? That’s nothing to the reported $100M bribe to Marcos for the Bataan Nuclear Power Plant deal. And that was in the ‘70s!
4. Boracay Mansion? Have you seen the P3.5B Centennial Expo white elephant built by FVR?
3. Hello Garci tape? Haven’t you heard the Dovey Beams-FM sex tape? With matching love theme to boot!
2. (even without Kris) any showbiz cheating issue is more compelling, with even a taste of tv network wars
And The No. 1 Reason Filipinos Might No Longer Care About Corruption Issues Or Plunder Cases …
1. they’re leaving anyway.

Top 5 reasons why Erap should be acquitted:
5. we need to keep our clean record of zero convictions for corrupt leaders with unexplained wealth
4. we may soon need the Tanay residence during the trial of another corrupt leader with unexplained wealth
3. just to see how quickly Chavit Singson can pack up and leave the country
2. to ensure EDSA 4
And the No. 1 reason why Erap should be acquitted
1. how else can he become Prime Minister?

Top 5 reasons the GDP had to go up:
5. the peso’s purchasing power is going down
4. consumer prices are going up
3. the manufacturing and agriculture sectors are slowing down
2. the increasing number of Filipinos seeking foreign jobs because they can’t find local jobs
And The No. 1 Reason the GDP had to go up …
1. The government needed it to.

Top 5 reasons to celebrate National Heroes’ Day:
5. We don’t have enough holidays to celebrate anything
4. We know more about Darna than Gabriela Silang
3. To make us curious about what really happened to Lapu-Lapu after killing Magellan
2. To make filmmakers aware there are other stories beyond the lame horror, comedy and love plots they keep repeating
And The No. 1 Reason To Celebrate National Heroes’ Day …
1. To remember we once had leaders with spines.

Top 5 reasons to remember Ninoy:
5. His death anniversary is a national holiday
4. To give Kris some semblance of dignity
3. To forget that Cory was not a good President
2. To give us hope that Noynoy might have actually inherited something from him
And The No. 1 Reason To Remember Ninoy …
1. To know what we’re missing.

Top 5 Suggested Typhoon Names:
5. Kristeta for her loud winds
4. Gloriang for the air she blows
3. Esperoning more for her misses than her hits
2. Brenda because of her insane fury
And the No. 1 Suggested Typhoon Name …
1. Gonzalesyang because she’ll never die.

Top 5 reasons our military keeps losing in Mindanao:
5. the enemy has better guns
4. the enemy has more bullets
3. the enemy has better communications
2. the enemy has more to lose
And the No. 1 reason our military keeps losing in Mindanao …
1. the enemy has none of our generals.

Top 5 graduates of the School of Hogwarts ever elected to the Philippine Senate:
5. Senator Ramon Dumbnbore Sr.
4. Senator Jinggoy McDo-agad
3. Senator Loses in-Makati-is Back
2. Senator Miriam Seethingwithin
And the No. 1 graduate of the School of Hogwarts elected to the Philippine Senate …
1. Senator Ralph Outthedoor.

Top 5 Filipino indie films you haven’t seen:
5. Binilang Ka Nguni’t Kulang (starring an all-Comelec cast)
4. Bayan Ko: Kapit Ng Sakim (starring an all-Congressional cast)
3. Maynila: Sa Kuko Ng Liwanag Ni Atienza (starring former Mayor Lito Atienza and the technicolor streetlights of Manila)
2. Kakabakaba Ka Ba? (to star Chavit Singson and the newly-acquitted Erap)
And the No. 1 Filipino indie film you haven’t seen …
1. Sana’y Wala Nang Wakas (to star GMA and the new parliament.

Top 5 States Of The Nation:
5. Poor
4. Hungry
3. Jobless
2. Aimless
And the No. 1 State of the Nation …
1. Migrant

Top 5 Favorite Jobs Of Gen. Angelo Reyes (So Far):
5. Secretary of the Dept. of National Defense
4. Secretary of the Dept. of Interior and Local Government
3. Secretary of the Dept. of Environment and Natural Resources
2. Secretary of the Dept. of Energy
And The No. 1 Favorite Job Of Gen. Angelo Reyes …
1. GMA’s Best Friend Forever

Top 5 new ‘wonders’ of the Philippines:
5. How can one entire province with 22 municipalities & 316 barangays vote 12-0?
4. 1st world country in 2 decades?
3. Will she ever be impeached?
2. When to apply for the writ of amparo?
And the No. 1 new ‘wonder’ of the Philippines…
1. Lintang Bedol?

The Top 5 Transformers elected to the Philippine Senate:
5. Senator Sonny AutokoJazz
4. Senator Mar WaitngforhisPrime
3. Senator Kiko Mega-hon
2. Senator Joker Thickhide
And the No. 1 Transformer elected to the Philippine Senate …
1.Senator Migz Votecrusher

Friday, June 29, 2007


November 3, 2008
If Barack were to win against John
The joy would be felt far beyond
the Pacific
and the Atlantic
and faster than a Kenyan can run.

October 27, 2008
The Euro Cop’s not about soccer
Though with Beckham he is superior
In bending rules
In making fools
Of us who don’t know any better

October 22, 2008
The third time’s a charm so they say
But to impeach one who can pay
All from our pocket
All that she covets
Is impeachment really the way?

October 14, 2008
Little Glo-Peep has found her calling
Pimps everywhere are protesting
Their reputation ruined
By the one who’s loosened
Her morals for almost anything

October 6, 2008
If we ever needed a bailout
It would be from government’s clout
Over our money
In the treasury
When they’re in when they should be out

September 29, 2008
The idiots who gave us melamine
In milk to boost their protein
Should be shot
And if they’re not
Deserve a dose of their own medicine

September 22, 2008
36 years ago, martial law
Came upon us fang and claw
Marcos may be gone
But look what he’s spawned
Wannabes hungry for more

September 15, 2008
Judging by the looks of it,
A magistrate’s alternative,
When found a little wanting
Of independent thinking,
Is to opt to call it quits

September 1, 2008
Who sends reps to a signing
not knowing nor authorizing
the agreement to be signed
the risks it could unwind?
Idiocy can be mind-boggling.

September 1, 2008
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
the dwarf has let us know
what she intends
regardless of consequence
now off to war we go.

August 25, 2008
Sign … don’t sign … renegotiate
Cancel … don’t cancel … contemplate
A messy agreement
Just like our government
Now there’s war and civilians are bait

August 19, 2008
Benigno A. Aquino
Martyred 25 years ago
A country unworthy
Of his legacy
Still searching for a hero

August 9, 2008
Our nation is up for auction
The winner gets all the portions
Of minerals and land
And labor on hand
Our leaders give up without caution

August 2, 2008
Bribery as sport
Can be played in any court
Be it lower
Be it higher
As long as people allow to be bought.

July 28, 208
Promises, Promises,
to bury all the mess.
Let them picture
a rosy future
pretend it’s all for the best.

July 21, 2008
In family rearing,
The church shares nothing,
Not tuition,
Nor nutrition,
So proceed in planning.

July 14, 2008
Money, Money, Money,
Ain’t the world dear Romy
Strength of character
The real treasure
Not title nor job security.

July 7, 2008
Sulpicio leaves the dock
Down go lock, barrel and stock
Much anguish and regret
Then people forget
Til next when a ship gets pocked.

June 30, 2008
When claiming force majeure
In one thing you have to be sure
That you weren’t negligent
Not even 1 percent
Fools aren’t excused by nature

June 16, 2008
Course 101 on raising funds
Handbook done by politicians
Lie, corrupt
malverse, kidnap
in the land of gold, goons and guns

June 10, 2008
The country in dire straits
Government compensates
With dole-outs
Cheap handouts
Too little too late

June 2, 2008
Eenie meenie miney moe
Who should lead meralco?
Who is better
For public welfare?
Lopez or Arroyo?

May 26, 2008
How could you Meralco
Give the lowest blow
Passing your expenses
To customers defenseless
Time to refund what you owe

May 12
The military junta of Myanmar
Callous superbly beyond par
Maintaining tyranny
Amidst catastrophe
Ain’t this a cause for war?

May 5
Omens of wreck
Cartels to fix price
Can’t be very nice
Certified pains in the neck

April 26
Planting rice, no fun,
‘til the rice is gone,
Won’t feed anyone

April 19
Once there were the Philippine isles
Abundant with nature and smiles,
Yet indifferent they stayed
To corruption replayed
Now poor, oppressed and deprived.

April 14
Bataan is defeated
MacArthur retreated,
U.S.A, surrenders,
Filipinos valiant though deluded.

April 6, 2008
Gloria the Haughty
Hyped the economy
Now the rice crisis
Couples increasing prices
The lies now trumped by reality

March 22
Though Holy Week is done
And Easter has come,
Suffering and weeping,
Punishment’s enduring,
In a country its leaders shun

March 17
Who’s touting economic progress
amidst basic goods’ soaring prices?
The peso’s reign,
stock market gains,
false signs to cover the mess.

March 9
Islands! Islands! Everywhere!
We’ve got isles to spare!
Ask our government
They won’t hesitate a moment
To give ‘em up for a billion a pair!

March 2
So what if we allow the Veep
To now assume and succeed?
We tested the (d)evil we knew
What a hell she’s put us through
Couldn’t even moderate her greed.

February 24
Twice a people power revolt
The efforts then seemed for naught
The third not a charm
A fourth needs a swarm
But will the people have not.

February 17
Neri, Neri quite contrary,
What does your conscience hold?
Bribes and threats,
The sun shines bright on J.Lo

Thursday, June 28, 2007

LAW 101

LAW 101: More Or Less (or How To Compute For Damages In Case Of Wrongful Death)

LAW 101: Get to know the BMBE (Barangay Micro Business Enterprises)

LAW 101: Signs Of A Ponzi Scheme

LAW 101: Price Tag Rules:

LAW 101: Traffic Right of Way Rules are:

LAW 101: Guidelines on Holiday Pay

LAW 101: Disallowed Wills

LAW 101: Copyrighted Works:

LAW 101: 7th Regular Foreign Investment Negative List

LAW 101: Senior Citizen Benefits

LAW 101: Donor’s Tax Rates

LAW 101: Who Are Non-immigrants

LAW 101: What Is Treason?

LAW 101: What are the Just Causes for Termination of Employment by the Employer?


LAW 101: What are the Just Causes for Termination of Employment by the Employer?

An employer may terminate an employment for any of the following causes:

a) Serious misconduct or willful disobedience by the employee of the lawful orders of his employer or representative in connection with his work;
b) Gross and habitual neglect by the employee of his duties;
c) Fraud or willful breach by the employee of the trust reposed in him by his employer or duly authorized representative;
d) Commission of a crime or offense by the employee against the person of his employer or any immediate member of his family or his duly authorized representatives;
e) Other causes analogous to the foregoing;
f) Termination pursuant to a union shop/closed shop agreement in a CBA;
g) Defiance of an employee of a Return-to-Work order; and
h) Failure to meet the standards set in a probationary contract of employment.

ART. 282, Labor Code of the Philippines;
See also

LAW 101: What Is Treason?

In case some senile man (there's one mainstay at the Department of Justice) alleges it (mistakenly yet again), just remember:

Treason is committed by any Filipino citizen, or alien residing in the Philippines, who levies war against the Philippines or adheres to her enemies giving them aid or comfort within the Philippines or elsewhere.

Art. 114, R.A. 7659 “An Act To Impose The Death Penalty On Certain Heinous Crimes, Amending For That Purpose The Revised Penal Laws, And For Other Purposes”.

LAW 101: Who Are Non-immigrants

Aliens departing from any place outside the Philippines who are otherwise admissible and who qualify within one of the following categories, may be admitted as non- immigrants:

(a) A temporary visitor for business, pleasure or health reasons;

(b) A person in transit;

(c) A seaman serving as such on a vessel arriving at a Philippine port;

(d) An alien entitled to enter the Philippines pursuant to the provisions of a treaty of commerce and navigation (1) to carry on substantial trade between the Philippines and his country or (2) to develop and direct the operations of an enterprise in which he has invested or of an enterprise in which he is actively in the process of investing, and his dependents;

(e) An accredited official of a foreign government, and his dependents;

(f) A student, having means for his education and support in the Philippines, at least 15 years and enters to take up a course of study higher than high school; and

(g) An alien coming to pre-arranged employment, and his dependents.

An alien who is admitted as a non-immigrant cannot remain in the Philippines permanently.

Sec 9, COMMONWEALTH ACT NO. 613. (The Philippine Immigration Act of 1940").
Sec. 99, R.A. 8424, “The National Internal Revenue Code Of The Philippines” (1997). E.O. 584, December 8, 2006.

LAW 101: 7th Regular Foreign Investment Negative List

The following areas/activities have foreign ownership limitations, to wit:

No foreign ownership
1. mass media except recording
2. practice of professions (engineering, medicine/allied professions, accountancy, architecture, criminology, chemistry, customs brokerage, environmental planning, forestry, geology, interior design, landscape architecture, law, librarianship, marine deck officers, marine engine officers, master plumbing, sugar technology, social work, teaching, agriculture, fisheries)
3. retail trade enterprises with paid-up of less than USD 2.5M
4. cooperatives
5. private security agencies
6. small-scale mining
7. utilization of marine resources in archipelagic waters, territorial sea, and exclusive economic zone as well as small-scale utilization of natural resources in rivers, lakes, bays and lagoons
8. ownership, operation and management of cockpits
9. manufacture, repair, stockpiling and/or distribution of nuclear weapons
10. manufacture, repair, stockpiling and/or distribution of biological, chemical and radiological weapons and anti-personnel mines
11. manufacture of firecrackers and other pyrotechnic devices

Up to 20% foreign ownership
1. private radio communications network

Up to 25% foreign ownership
1. private recruitment for local or overseas employment
2. contracts for the construction and repair of locally-funded public works (except infrastructure projects under R.A. 7718; and foreign-funded or assisted projects required to undergo international competitive bidding)
3. contracts for construction of defense-related structures

Up to 30% foreign ownership
1. advertising

Up to 40% foreign ownership
1. exploration, development and utilization of natural resources
2. ownership of private lands
3. operation and management of public utilities
4. ownership/establishment and administration of educational institutions
5. culture, production, milling, processing, trading, except retailing, of rice and corn and acquiring, rice and corn and their by-products
6. contracts for the supply of materials, goods and commodities to GOCCs, gov’t agencies or municipal corps.
7. project proponent and facility operator of a BOT project requiring public utility franchise
8. operation of deep sea commercial fishing vessels
9. adjustment companies
10. ownership of condo units where condo common areas are co-owned by owners of the separate units or by a corp.
11. manufacture, repair, storage and/or distribution of products/ingredients requiring PNP clearance
12. manufacture, repair, storage and/or distribution of products/ingredients requiring DND clearance

Up to 60% foreign ownership
1. SEC-regulated financing companies
2. SEC-regulated investment houses

E.O. 584, December 8, 2006.

LAW 101: Copyrighted Works:

The following works are protected from the time of their creation:

A. Literary & Artistic Works - original creations which include in particular:

a) Books, pamphlets, articles & other writings;

b) Periodicals & newspapers;

c) Lectures, sermons, addresses, dissertations prepared for oral delivery;

d) Letters;

e) Dramatic or dramatico-musical compositions; choreographic works or entertainment in dumb shows;

f) Musical compositions;

g) Drawing, painting, architecture, sculpture, engraving, lithography or other works of art; models/designs for works of art;

h) Ornamental designs/models for articles of manufacture, & other works of applied art;

i) Illustrations, maps, plans, sketches, charts & 3-dimensional works relative to geography, topography, architecture or science;

j) Drawings/plastic works of a scientific or technical character;

k) Photographic works including works produced by a process analogous to photography; lantern slides;

l) Audiovisual works & cinematographic works & works produced by a process analogous to cinematography or any process for making audio-visual recordings;

m) Pictorial illustrations & advertisements;

n) Computer programs; and

o) Other literary, scholarly, scientific & artistic works.

B. Derivative Works -

a) Dramatizations, translations, adaptations, abridgments, arrangements, & other alterations of literary or artistic works; and

b) Collections of literary, scholarly or artistic works, & compilations of data & other materials which are original by reason of the selection or coordination or arrangement of their contents.

C. Published Edition of Work - In addition to the right to publish granted by the author, his heirs/ assigns, the publisher shall have a copyright consisting of the right of reproduction of the typographical arrangement of the published edition of the work.

Sec. 172 & 173, Republic Act No. 8293, (Intellectual Property Code of the Philippines).

LAW 101: Disallowed Wills

Wills shall be disallowed in any of the following instances:

1. non-compliance of legal formalities;

2. the testator was mentally incapable of making a will, at the time of its execution;

3. if it was executed through force or under duress, or the influence of fear, or threats;

4. if it was procured by undue and improper pressure and influence on the testator;

5. if testator’ signature was obtained by fraud; or

6. if the testator acted by mistake or did not intend that the instrument he signed should be his will at the time of its execution.

Art. 839, New Civil Code.

LAW 101: Guidelines on Holiday Pay

1. For regular holidays namely: New Year's Day (Jan1), Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Araw ng Kagitingan (Monday nearest Apr9), Labor Day (Monday nearest May1), Independence Day (Monday nearest Jun12), National Heroes Day (Last Monday of Aug), Bonifacio Day (Monday nearest Nov30), Eidul Fitr (end of Ramadan), Christmas Day (Dec25), Rizal Day (Monday nearest Dec30), the following rules apply:

a. If it is an employee's regular workday
~ If unworked: 100%
~ If worked: 1st 8 hours - 200%. Excess of 8 hours - plus 30% of hourly rate
b. If it is an employee's rest day
~ If unworked: 100%
~ If worked: 1st 8 hours - plus 30% of 200%. Excess of 8 hours - plus 30% of hourly rate.

2. For declared special days such as Special Non-Working Day, Special Public Holiday, Special National Holiday, in addition to the 2 nationwide special days (Nov1 and Dec31), the following rules shall apply:

~ If unworked: No pay, unless there is a company policy/practice granting payment of wages on special days even if unworked.
~ If worked: 1st 8 hours - plus 30% of the daily rate of 100%. Excess of 8 hours - plus 30% of hourly rate on said day.
~ If falling on the employee's rest day and if worked: 1st 8 hours - plus 50% of the daily rate of 100%. Excess of 8 hours - plus 30% of hourly rate on said day.

3. For those declared as special working holidays, the following rules apply:
~ For work performed: employee is entitled only to his basic rate. No premium pay is required since work performed on said days is considered work on ordinary working days.

1) DOLE Memorandum Circular No.01. March 8, 2004
2) Republic Act No. 9492

LAW 101: Traffic Right of Way Rules are:

1) First Time Vehicle Rule -
At all intersections without "stop" or "yield" signs, slow down and prepare to stop. Yield to vehicles already in the intersection or about to enter it.

2) Same Time Vehicle Rule -
At all intersections without "stop" or "yield" signs (or with stops in all directions), yield to the vehicle on your right if it has reached the intersection at the same time as your vehicle.

3) Stop Signs -
Stop at any limit line or crosswalk. Yield to all approaching vehicles on the ‘through street’ (a street on which the through movement of traffic is given preference), go only when it is safe for you to cross. Approaching vehicles should slow down and allow you to get across safely.

4) Left Turn -
Signal left turn and yield to approaching traffic until it is completely safe to finish the turn.

5) Rotonda -
Vehicles around the rotunda have the right-of-way over vehicles which are just about to enter.

When entering a highway from a driveway, yield the right-of-way to traffic on the highway. Never insist on taking the right-of-way if other drivers are not following the rules, let them have the right-of-way even if it belongs to you to prevent possible accidents; however, do not always insist on others going ahead of you, slowing and stopping may delay the flow of traffic.

1. Land Transportation Office. Taken from, accessed September 16, 2007.
2. Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. Taken from, accessed September 16, 2007.

LAW 101: Price Tag Rules:

1. It shall be unlawful to offer any consumer product for retail sale to the public without an appropriate price tag, label or marking publicly displayed to indicate the price of each article and said products shall not be sold at a price higher than that stated therein and without discrimination to all buyers.

2. The price tag must be written clearly, indicating the price of the consumer product including Value Added Tax (VAT) whenever the consumer product is VATABLE. Service charge, if any, shall not be included in the price tag.

3. All retailers who honor/accept credit/ATM/debit cards for payment shall not require the cardholders to pay a surcharge, extra charge, or additional charge over and above the price tag on the consumer goods and services.

Sec. 81, R.A.7394 (“Consumer Act of the Philippines”). April 13, 1992.
Sec 2 & 5, DTI - Department Administrative Order No. 10, Series of 2006.

LAW 101: Signs Of A Ponzi Scheme

Carlo Ponzi was a 1920s convicted American swindler who established a scheme promising extremely high returns for a short period. Ponzi was able to collect about $10M in investments from about 10,000 investors. As the scheme solely relied upon the investment of new investors to fund the high returns, the scheme soon collapsed when authorities stepped in and asked for a halt on new investments.

Basically, a Ponzi scheme is about 'robbing Peter to pay Paul'. Here are the SEC’s signs of a Ponzi scheme :

• No SEC registration
• Investment in foreign currency, preferably in USD
• Offers or guarantees a huge profit in a very short period
• Utilizes a binary network (i.e. upline and downline) to earn commissions
• No paper trail (like contracts or receipts)
• Promises little or no financial risk
• Lock-up period where an investor can’t touch the investment
• Assures pay-off investments in a short time
• Uses high-pressure methods to convince investors to reinvest their earnings
• Unknown principal office
• Unknown founders, directors, officers
• Orientation seminars conducted informally

Be forewarned. And report any such or similar schemes to the SEC (Compliance and Enforcement Division).

SEC WARNING: BEWARE OF INTERNET-BASED PONZI INVESTMENT SCHEMES. Accessed July 2, 2007. Securities and Exchange Commission.

LAW 101: Get to know the BMBE (Barangay Micro Business Enterprises)

What for? Only because it’s exempt from income tax & the Minimum Wage Law (!)

Who can register? Any business engaged in the production, processing or manufacturing of goods, trading & services, whose total assets - including those arising from loans but exclusive of the land on which the business office, plant & equipment are situated - are not more than P3M.

Requirements? Go to your LGU. Oh alright, since we’re here to help, here they are:
1. registration with the SEC(if corp.)/DTI(if sole prop)/CDA (if coop)
2. TIN
3. BIR registration
4. Business Permit
5. Sworn affidavit by the sole proprietor or the President of the enterprise that the enterprise is barangay-based & micro-business in nature and scope (a form is provided by the LGU)
6. Sworn Statement of Assets and Liabilities showing the values of assets owned and to be used in the business, supported by information such as date of acquisition, acquisition cost & depreciated value. In case of asset acquired during the year of registration, it shall be supported by any of the following: a) invoice, b) official receipt, or c) contract document or deed.
7. Pictures of the place of business & assets except cash, receivables & intangibles;
8. Copy of Loan Contract/s, duly-Notarized Certification of Amortization Payments on the Loan; and
9. duly filed ITR including attachments, if any.

Fees? There shouldn’t be any for 1st time applicants.

Every now and then, the government remembers the little ones and legislates in their favor. Seems like this is one of those rare times.


R.A. 9178 (An Act To Promote The Establishment Of Barangay Micro Business Enterprises (BMBEs), Providing Incentives And Benefits Therefor, And For Other Purposes);

LGU's list of requirements

LAW 101: More Or Less (or How To Compute For Damages In Case Of Wrongful Death)

In decided Supreme Court cases, the following damages have been commonly granted by the Supreme Court to the victims’ families in cases of wrongful death:

1. actual damages for related expenses (e.g. medical, funeral and burial expenses, transportation, food, phone calls, etc)
2. compensatory damages for loss of the victim’s earning capacity (computed below)
3. compensatory damages for wrongful death (now pegged at P100,000 per death; it was P50,0000 previously). This does not need proof other than the victim’s death.
4. moral damages (for “mental anguish”). This amount is at the court’s discretion.
5. exemplary damages (“by way of example or correction for the public good” hence, usually granted against common carriers). This amount is also at the court’s discretion.
6. attorney's fees.

It is the compensatory damages for loss of the victim’s earning capacity that is the tricky part. In the decided cases, the following computations were used:

X = amount of loss of the victim’s earning capacity
A = life expectancy
A = 2/3 x [(80 (years)) - (victim’s age)]. The capacity of the victim to earn even after retirement age is taken into account.
B = earning capacity
B = (gross annual pay) – (50% of gross annual pay). 50% is the assumed percentage of living expenses incurred out of one's pay.
X = A x B

Dealing with numbers following a tragedy for which these computations are to be used may seem cold but it is sincerely hoped that the above information will guide those concerned in getting redress.


Title XVIII-Damages, The Civil Code of the Philippines;
Villa Rey Transit, Inc. vs. Court Of Appeals, G.R. No. L-25499, February 18, 1970;
Negros Navigation Co., Inc. vs. Court of Appeals, G.R. No. 110398, November 7, 1997;
People Of The Philippines vs. Claudio Teehankee, G.R. Nos. 111206-08, October 6, 1995.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


The period from May 28 to June 12 of each year is declared as Flag Days, during which period all offices, agencies and instrumentalities of government, business establishments, institutions of learning and private homes are enjoined to display the flag.

Sec. 26, R.A. 8491 ("Flag and Heraldic Code of the Philippines").

LAW 101: Donor’s Tax Rates

In case you're feeling generous, here are the need-to-know tax rates:

Effective January 1, 1998:
Maximum of P100,000.00 = exempt

Over 100,000.00 & up to 200,000.00 = 2% of the excess over 100,000.00

Over 200,000.00 & up to 500,000.00 = P2,000.00 + 4% of the excess over 200,000.00

Over 500,000.00 & up to 1,000,000.00 = 14,000.00 + 6% of the excess over 500,000.00

Over 1,000,000.00 & up to 3,000,000.00 = 44,000.00 + 8% of the excess over 1,000,000.00

Over 3,000,000.00 & up to 5,000,000.00 = 204,000.00 + 10% of the excess over 3,000,000.00

Over 5,000,000.00 & up to 10,000,000.00 = 404,000.00 + 12% of the excess over 5,000,000.00

Over 10,000,000.00 = 1,004,000.00 + 15%

Sec. 99, R.A. 8424, “The National Internal Revenue Code Of The Philippines” (1997).

LAW 101: Senior Citizen Benefits

Senior Citizens shall be entitled to the following:

a. 20% discount from all services in hotels and similar lodging establishment, restaurants and recreation centers, and purchase of medicines in all establishments for the exclusive use or enjoyment of senior citizens, including funeral and burial services for the death of senior citizens;

b. minimum 20% discount on admission fees by theaters, cinema houses and concert halls, circuses, carnivals, and other similar places of culture, leisure and amusement for the exclusive use or enjoyment of senior citizens;

c. exemption from individual income taxes: Provided, That their annual taxable income does not exceed the poverty level as determined by the NEDA for that year;

d. exemption from training fees for socioeconomic programs;

e. free medical and dental service, diagnostic and laboratory fees such as, but not limited to, x-rays, computerized tomography scans and blood tests, in all government facilities, subject to DOH guidelines issued in coordination with PHILHEALTH;

f. 20% discount on medical and dental services, and diagnostic and laboratory fees provided under Section 4(e), including professional fees of attending doctors in all private hospitals and medical facilities, Subject to DOH rules and regulations issued in coordination with PHILHEALTH;

g. 20% discount in fare for domestic air and sea travel for the exclusive use or enjoyment of senior citizens;

h. 20% discount in public railways, skyways and bus fare for the exclusive use and enjoyment of senior citizens;

i. educational assistance to senior citizens to pursue post secondary, tertiary, post tertiary, as well as vocational or technical education in both public and private schools through provision of scholarship, grants, financial aid subsidies and other incentives to qualified senior citizens, including support for books, learning materials, and uniform allowance, to the extent feasible: Provided, That senior citizens shall meet minimum admission requirement;

j. to the extent practicable and feasible, the continuance of the same benefits and privileges given by the GSIS, SSS and PAG-IBIG, as the case may be, as are enjoyed by those in actual service;

k. retirement benefits of retirees from both the government and private sector shall be regularly reviewed to ensure their continuing responsiveness and sustainability, and to the extent practicable and feasible, shall be upgraded to be at par with the current scale enjoyed by those in actual service;

l. to the extent possible, the government may grant special discounts in special programs for senior citizens on purchase of basic commodities, subject to the guidelines to be issued by the DTI and the DA; and

m. provision of express lanes for senior citizens in all commercial and government establishments; in the absence thereof, priority shall be given to them.

In the availment of the above privileges, the senior citizen may submit as proof of entitlement thereto any of the following:

a. ID issued by the city or municipal mayor or of the barangay captain of the place where the senior citizen resides;
b. passport; or
c. other documents that establish that the senior citizen is a citizen and is at least 60 years old.

Republic Act No. 9257 (Expanded Senior Citizens Act of 2003).

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

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